What is this?
Good question. Essentially, we took the old plastic boxes on the sidewalk and turned them into something weird. Specifically, a walking tour that will guide you through the city as you learn more than you could possibly imagine about the history and significance of the free publication distribution box. While media outlets such as The Hartford Courant and CT Insider would use the words "parody" and "satire" to describe us - we prefer the terms "immersive" and "transformative".
Is this real?
There really is 30 minutes of narration that focuses almost entirely on plastic boxes as a method of distribution. Is it off-the-rails batshit insane and full of mostly fake information? Sure, but just because something's UNhinged doesn't make it UNreal.
How does it work?
Bring headphones and go to the museum's starting point (552 Main St, Hartford, CT - the row of boxes outside city hall). Scan the QR code with your mobile device and it will play a three minute long audio segment. At its conclusion, you'll be directed to the next stop on your tour, where you will repeat the process. There are nine stops total - the tour will end across the street from where it began. You will never be the same.
Where can I go to the restroom during my visit?
We recommend you take a shit on the lawn of the Wadsworth Atheneum. While they do have restroom facilities inside, we'd prefer if you really showed 'em who's boss and left a poopie for them.
Are there any health and safety precautions I should take before my tour?
Due to the assortment of used needles you will find along the tour route, we recommend you take PREP (an anti-viral medication used for the prevention of HIV/AIDS) for up to two weeks in advance of your visit.
Are there any upcoming special exhibitions?
Yes, we are currently planning "Rising From The Rubble: The Boxes That Survived The September 11th Attacks" and "Distributing Hate: Plastic Newspaper Boxes in Hitler's Germany" for debut in 2024. Look for upcoming information on how to reserve your tickets in advance.
How can I report vandalism?
Please call our vandalism hotline 1-862-B0NER-69 (B0NER with a zero. 1-862-206-3769). This is a real phone number.
Is there a gift shop?
Yes, our gift shop is located at the corner of Main St and Elm St inside of stop #9 at the conclusion of the tour. Inside you will find limited edition museum sticker packs as well as an assortment of empty cans of Fourloko.
Can I bring my pet chinchilla on the tour?
Certainly! We've made special accommodations for pet chinchillas to enhance their experience. We provide designated areas where your chinchilla can safely explore, ensuring their comfort while you enjoy the tour.
Is the audio tour available in Chinese?
笨蛋便便屁股屁股撒尿洞屁股迪克撒尿撒尿大便。 勃起哈哈臭臭嘟嘟。 巴拉克·奥巴马 扭动底部战利品顽皮火辣火辣性感。 哎哟火肚子小孔吉娃娃汪汪哦宝贝。 不幸的是，该旅游目前不提供中文版本。
How much time can I expect to spend at the museum?
Please allot a minimum of six hours for your visit. While it's possible for the tour to be completed in 45 minutes - it's a little boring - and you can expect to fall asleep several times.
When did the museum first open to the public?
Our grand opening was on April 1st, 2022 - no connection to April Fool's Day. It was preceded by an opening night gala the night before - which featured a champagne toast full of malt liquor.
Where is the best place to masturbate along the tour route?
We recommend the bathroom at Panera Bread. Tell them we sent you and they'll throw in extra napkins on all purchases of $5 or more.
What technology is used in the museum?
We use a state-of-the-art, innovative technology called QR codes. We're not quite sure how they work but our Science consultant, Dr. Anthony Fauci, assures us they work.